Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Anthropogenic Global Warming - A New Causation Theory

Global Warming. Anthropogenic, Biophysical, blah, blah, blah. There's not enough space in the Global Warming room to swing a dead cat. Everyone has a theory of what's happening, what's not happening and what the hell should be happening.

I admit, I have been a skeptic of anthropogenic warming, of the global variety. That is until this last weekend. I was watching The Weather Channel (I know, I need a life) and two statements were made which stuck in my mind.

1) the reason it's colder than a well digger's arse in the US and UK presently is because "Colder than normal weather in one area is caused by warmer than normal weather in another". In other words the reason it's as cold as the proverbial witch's tit, in Alabama USA, is because of global warming. Makes perfect sense, all that hot weather just sucked the heat out of the US & UK, therefore it's colder than normal in our little part of the world. Got it? Good, let's move on then, shall we?

2) This is the one that sealed the deal for me. The talking weather head was discussing ways to reduce heating bills and inadvertently furnished me with my own theory of the MAJOR cause of Anthropogenic Global Warming. The head said that we should make sure we do not leave exhaust fans on for our cooking stoves and bathrooms, simply because they pull the warm air out of our houses. It follows then that all that warm air pulled out of our houses MUST be a major contributor to global warming.

Further thought on this weighty subject has led me to also conclude that we (Americans) contribute greatly to Anthropogenic (I love that word) Global Warming through the heavy usage of firearms. That's right folks, good old guns. Everyone knows that each and every American has a veritable arsenal of guns and that we spend an inordinate amount of time shooting them, and each other. Every time we pull the trigger we set off a little, or sometimes huge, explosion and release heat into the atmosphere. Hell, I probably raised the temperature, in the warmer than normal part of the world, a couple of degrees last Saturday all by myself. I should be ashamed, but being one of those arrogant, barbaric Americans, I'm not ashamed at all. Fact is I'm pretty proud of myself cause I'm doing my part to keep the warm parts of the world warm.

So there you have it, once again we arrogant, wasteful, barbaric Americans, with several bathrooms in every one of our huge over sized houses, and a gun in each hand, tell the world screw you we don't have the time to flip that switch nor the inclination to give up our guns (we're all rednecks, the prez says so) cause we got places to be and people to see and or kill.

Up yours world!

Copyright Don Smith 2010

1 comment:

Ms.Kristi said...

You figured it out! All this time... shoulda just asked you in the first place. ^_^ SO GOOD to see you Don! {{hugs}}